In life there are a lot of surprises. When people are making a lifetime decision to live together as one, I believe it means something to them. Well, not all times in life that you will make a decision and everything turns out as you would want. Some circumstances may lead you to making other decisions that you had never planned from the first place. Divorce is one of them.
In most cases, people tend to believe that after divorce there is happiness. This could be true but at the same time truly opposite. From previous research, it appears not all people who take divorce are happy. There are some who develop more problems than they had when they were together. To many people who take divorce, there are assumptions that they have a very low level of happiness and psychological distress compared to married people.
Divorce comes as a full package. Couples, children, property, physical and emotional feelings that need to be clearly pre-determined. In as much as there is divorce, what will be the effects of it? How will it affect the parties involved? All this needs to be put into consideration before the divorce.
Reasons why people take divorce
Reasons for divorces are very many. Many couples are unaware of them coming. When the communication becomes a problem you should expeditiously take action before all fall from your hands. Very small arguments would lead to divorce faster than you think. let’s dive in and see some of the reasons that would lead to divorce:
● Infidelity
This is the primary cause of many divorces.cheating on your spouse sucks so much. In cases of infidelity people feel are not enough for their partners. No matter what you do to try to make it up some people would not be able to hold the pain. The only way out for them is divorce.
● Money
Money is a very sensitive area when it comes to marriage. It is one of the tools that define a person. This is an issue that needs to be handled right before committing yourself to each other. This is because money touches everything and it impacts people’s lives in a great way.
When one spouse is making more money than the other it could be a problem if all is not laid on the table. In cases where a wife is more successful than the husband, submission becomes a problem. Humbling to her husband would be a problem, and so you find a demand for a divorce. On the other hand, the husband may have lots of money, which may be a leeway for infidelity.
● Poor communication
Communication in marriage is very important. Research has proved that most successful marriages survive because of regular communication. When couples are yelling at each other, every time complaining and not talking to each other through the day could lead them to divorce if it prolongs for a long time.
They say that when the conversation is becoming slow on your side, it becomes longer somewhere else. Making nasty comments to express your feeling should not be heard in marriage – it kills faster than a bullet.
● Constant arguing
Constant argument is the worst you can experience. When people talk, they do so with the intention of being heard and understood. Couples who argue over and over again do so because they feel they are not heard or appreciated. It becomes hard for them to see the other person’s point of view and so becomes hard to come to some solution. This could lead to divorce especially if there is somewhere else they feel they are listened to and appreciated.
● Unrealistic expectation
This is a very easy mistake that most people make when they are venturing into marriage. They go there with lofty expectations. This could lead to divorce since the person feels disappointed. All the time this person will see the negative side of this marriage. It’s better entering with low hopes into marriage than high hopes that you will never meet.
● Lack of intimacy
Lack of intimacy in marriage could lead to many things. Feeling no connection to your spouse make you feel like you are living with a total stranger. This is not necessarily about sex. Failing to feel the true warmth of love physically and emotionally could lead to a divorce.
Making your relationship possible is the responsibility of you both. Take charge to practice some little kindness, appreciate the little efforts of your spouse and enjoy the physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your marriage.
● Abuse
In life, people will fail to stand a marriage where they are abused. It does not always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame. Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse – getting out of the marriage safely is important. Most couples who sleep on fighting are advised to separate for a while to examine themselves. If truly there is no way out it is better for them to take a divorce.
How to find happiness after divorce
There are so many things life could expose you to after the divorce. Most people will turn to things they could not imagine. Some will turn to alcoholism to get lead of the stress and the psychological trauma. Others will turn to unruly behavior since they have the freedom but in all this, just know you have a life to live.
Keeping that in mind will help you make the right decision. It could be a shame if at all you get divorced then you engage in practices that would prove people right about what they think you are. So quickly let us look at things that you would do to find happiness after the divorce:
● Be vibrant and try something you are crazy about
This could help you realize your abilities more than you could have ever imagined. Your ex is probably very happy with his or her life. You also need to do something different that will keep you on your toes. Try as much as you can to be the person you always longed to be.
● Engage your mind into something, get your brain and goals into gear.
This is very important. Remember an idle mind is the devil’s workshop – so you got to do something. Start off a new business, sign in for classes, travel the world, exhaust all the energy in you, for you were born to win. Think of the things that excite you. Get yourself into activities that really interests you, things you are good at. Start something fun, get back to work, etc.
● Be dynamic
Look for opportunities as they come. Engage yourself in community activities. Be ready to help where you can. Start activities like charity to help those in need, you will be shocked how fast you will heal. This is because you will meet people of all kind some will have a very shocking story that will make you see yours as nothing.
Get to know the neighbor down the street who has no family in the area and lend a hand. Make your voice heard. Use some of that emotional energy from your separation and divorce to sort and pack food at the community food bank. Find productive ways to get rid of toxic thoughts and feelings. The list of ways to be a positive contributor are endless, and we feel good when we’re done.
● Remember feelings calls for instant action
The faster you respond the better. Life after divorce is so new, you need to have a positive mindset that will lead you to your destiny. Visualize your success and walk right to achieving. Don’t let your divorce define you. View your new life as the best you could have ever wanted. This will save you a lot of stress. Don’t sit back and snivel away while everyone around you seems to be getting started on some new challenge. Everyone is in a battlefield, you bet to fight the good fight.
Even if you don’t feel like you have the energy, take an action anyway. Take that first small step and then the next. Don’t worry about fixing everything all at once. Just do something that keeps you moving in the right direction towards the getting-your-life-back path after divorce.
So is there happiness after the divorce?
The answer to this question is two way. It is not obvious as people think. Making a decision like a divorce will require you to be very sound since there is a lot you will need to sacrifice. People view it as a cure-all. They hope that divorce will end or reduce their problem. This depends solely on the nature of the relationship. Some people are happier after divorce while for others it is hell broke loose. Let me dissect this further.
1. You got to love yourself
In marriage, responsibilities are sometimes a barrier to happiness. There is much to be catered for. It becomes difficult especially for women to mind about their well being. After the divorce, they got all the time for themselves. You will be able to eat healthy and have a time out with your friends.
2. The divorce can be a milestone to you realizing your dream
Many times you’ve been struggling until you end up losing your vision. Staying in a restrictive marriage and achieving your dream at the same could be hard. This is because you might find your dream is conflicting with the desires of your spouse. With divorce, you are free to fully realize your dream and be happy for your success.
3.You finally got your freedom
In marriage, it sometimes becomes hard to have all the freedom you want. You sacrifice so many things for the welfare of your family. Sometimes, it becomes hard to go out for a date with your friends. For ladies, even going to a salon to get your hair done may be a problem. After the divorce you get your authority back. You can do whatever you want at any time you want to do it. No one will limit you from being the real you – everything is under your control.
4.There is always a person for you.
There is no need to stick in a marriage that is not working. If you are not happy in your marriage, it is okay to file for a divorce as there is always the right person for you out there. You might even end up meeting the person who makes you happy and complete. Someone who completely knows your worth and sees you as a blessing in their lives.
5. Impact on children
Divorce does not affect couples alone, children are victims also. Research proves this right. Children from toddler to teenage get really confused after divorce. Toddlers would think they are the reason for the divorce. Teenagers develop a negative attitude towards marriage which will lead them to developing a complex. Some may suffer depression and finally find it hard to get into a marriage in future.
6. Responsibilities will be yours and yours alone.
When you lose your spouse, you also lose your helper. Maintaining your household becomes your sole responsibility, instead of a shared task split between the two of you. Having one less person to assist with regular chores or maintenance of the home will be a baggage on your shoulders.
This is because you are now responsible for all everything that accompanies running your own home, you will have less time for rest. Your household work may require more time during the weekends or evenings that it used to. This change can also limit your ability to go out with friends and enjoy single life.
7. The psychological effect on adult
When couples vows to live together, they do so with an intention of a lifetime commitment. In cases of a divorce there is a lot of mental torture especially when one spouse has not accepted the divorce.This could lead them to a depression before their life get back on track.
Free Consultation with Divorce Lawyer in Utah
If you have a question about divorce law or if you need to start or defend against a divorce case in Utah call Ascent Law for your free consultation at (801) 676-5506. We will help you.
8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C
West Jordan, Utah
84088 United States
Telephone: (801) 676-5506
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