This is a question that is asked so many times. Yes, divorce can be renewed at some point in life. Separation of two people who were once in love is a bit difficult. Irrespective of the prevailing situations, rekindling your love is not rocket science. It can be done.
Anyone entering into marriage may not think that their marriage could one day dissolve. However, when the divorce happens, it prompts the individual to get into a reflection period.
You are forced to evaluate the whole scenario, take a step back and analyse the current adversity. Feeling the same way you felt the first time you met each other can still be in you. Despite your differences that chemistry in most cases still holds, the minute you see your spouse.
In the Bible, the plan of God was married people to stay together loving and cherishing each other for the rest of their life till death do them apart. Among the Christians, marriage is very crucial.
It is believed that God hates divorce and reconciliation is pleasing to Him. Normally what happens when a married couple reconciles, the devil shakes and attacking the marriage again becomes hard for him because you have proved him wrong.
However, there are acceptable situations where divorce is accepted in the Bible like adultery, abandonment and refusing your spouse his or her conjugal rights. Nevertheless, reconciliation should still be sought. There are so many reasons why the married couple would restore back their marriage even after the divorce. In this article I am going to share them with you.
Major reasons why couples would like to rekindle marriage after divorce
● After divorce, there is time for reflection, which dissipates anger.
It becomes easier to reflect on your relationship when you are away from it. Conflicts between couples tend to blindside the two individuals from having a sensible perception regarding their mate. When you separate, after some time you will realize your negative emotions are not as strong as they were when you were together. You will see the role you played in breaking up your family.
When you come back together, there will be a possibility for reconciliation since you’ll have acknowledged what you would have done in the first place to save your marriage.
● Distance makes one to appreciate your spouse’s worth
Sometimes couples may not realize the importance of the other person when they are together. After you separate, you will realize how much your spouse means to you and you will find your heart grow so fond of the person you once loved. You may not feel disconnected like you did when you were in the marriage.
● Your children could be unhappy with you divorcing
Kids are beautiful and they are a source of joy and happiness for couples. They make you think even when you don’t want to. Divorce upends the stability of your children’s world and it becomes very hard for them to bear the pain.
It affects their whole life from their social life, their relationship with others, at school, at home, activities, friendships, holidays, the standard of living and their future marriages. This will make the couple think twice and find themselves reconciling for the sake of their children welfare.
● When you realize that you are still unhappy
People tend to believe if you have been struggling with marriage and get out of it, you will find happiness. I cannot disagree. Maybe in very rare cases. Sometimes after a divorce, most people go through hell than when they were in the marriage.
Numerous research studies show that most divorced couples are unhappier compared to those in marriage. Furthermore, divorce is linked to increase in stress and depression.
● Decreased living standards after going through a divorce
Divorce is quite expensive especially when it comes to children’s custody. In most cases divorce stipulates that asset division is to be 50-50. The involved parties eventually experience financial crisis after the entire process. The most affected with finances are women compared to men after the divorce. Regaining your financial stability after the divorce process can be emotionally draining, thus some couples will opt to remain together to avoid such issues.
● Paradigm shift in one’s conduct
Sometimes a divorce can trigger behavioral change in an individual. This stems mainly from a sense of guilt and remorse. You start to contemplate that maybe your own misdemeanor could have cost you your marriage.
You then make an intentional resolution to become a better individual by accepting your weaknesses and improving them. This in itself is a good thing because once you reconcile, your new relationship will become splendid.
You see yourself better than them and you think you cannot make mistakes. Well, a separation makes you evaluate your life and contemplate on what is important. You will admit your faults and work on how to reconcile with your partner. In other words, in order for reconciliation to occur, you must demonstrate a real change of behavior, actions, and attitude.
● Unrealistic expectations in marriage
This is one of the greatest factors which contribute to failed marriages. Couples enter into marriage with unrealistic expectations. In order for a couple to successfully reunite, a couple has to have realistic expectations for themselves, their spouse and the marriage in general.
It is better to start from nothing and work on building your marriage. Do not place any unrealistic goals on your partner. Such unrealistic expectations cause unhappiness and lack of satisfaction in marriage.
A second chance after a divorce?
A divorce brings out an array of emotions and feelings. It is also a tumultuous period in one’s life. You are prone to develop fear of the unknown, wondering if all is lost on that relationship or if there is any hope to salvage it.
Yes, there is hope. It is better to hang on to that thread of hope, rather than to throw in the towel. What matters is your determination and intentions. Become intentional towards rebuilding your relationship. Identify a solid purpose for your union and weed out any relationship spoilers that ruined your marriage in the first place. Try out the following guidelines as you seek to reconcile with your mate.
● Make contact with your ex-spouse as much as possible.
Talk to your partner as many time as possible just like it was when you first met. Allow yourself to feel better with them and give them a chance to prove their loyalty this time. Call, text or email to discuss the things that are important in his or her day.
Show interest in the things that your ex-spouse is involved in. Complement and express how much you’ve missed your ex-spouse. After some courting, you can then ask your ex-spouse on a first date. Treat this first date just as you would if you were going on it with someone you don’t know.
● Be a lifelong learner on how to excel in marriage
In this information era, you cannot lack the resources to educate yourself on how to become a homemaker. Make sure your separation time will teach you how to relate well with yourself and the people around you, so that when you two decide to come together, it won’t be a problem again. When dealing with your ex-spouse, learn ways to deal with upcoming problems.
This will save you from frustration. Learn to be more expressive and an active listener. If it reaches a point you have to compromise on a certain issue, you can do it for the sake of your marriage. This may actually surprise you.
You may find it working for you. If your partner felt unheard or under-appreciated, make a point to listen and appreciate more. Remember you are doing this for your own benefit. Do not do it because you want your spouse to be interested in you again, but rather do it because it is right for both of you.
● Be cautious and take your time
For people who were once in love, it is possible for them to get back together quickly, which can lead them to the very mistake they made the first time round. It is advisable to You better take baby steps, where you are slow but sure.
Take time to explore each other again. Don’t let any negative feelings to over shadow you because it will crush you down again. Take the steps in your relationship slowly and pay attention to exactly what will be happening.
Understand that this is a new beginning but it has history attached to it that needs consideration and resolution. Ignoring what happened in the past and only looking forward may seem like the best way to handle it, but it may end up surprising you later when you discover you still hold on to some of your old feelings.
● Iron out any issues in the marriage
Most divorces stem from poor or lack of communication skills among couples. Take the time to build on effective ways of communicating with your ex-spouse. This will build trust and in the long run, the two of you will be able to connect once again. Use that time to air out any issues in your relationship.
You don’t want to repeat the same patterns as you did in the marriage, or the new relationship will have the same ending as your first marriage did. Be open about what happened to cause the divorce and discuss it with an open mind and heart. Sometimes this can be difficult, but it is the right approach to your marriage.
● Be grateful for your spouse
Everyone feels great and loved when they realize that they are acknowledged for the little efforts they make. The good news is, it’s relatively easy to make the other person feel appreciated. Send a daily email or text thanking your spouse for picking up the laundry or watching the kids when you are away or sleeping.
Ask them about their day and listen. Tell them how great they look in their new suit or new haircut. These things might seem small, but that’s precisely why they’re meaningful.
Everyone wants to feel that what they do matters. Communicate what you feel about them that you love, do not assume they will know by your action. A word of mouth is much better than your actions.
● Stop focusing on the past. Focus on the future
The greatest mistake you will ever do is to keep reminding your spouse how much they failed you at some point in life. If you do that your marriage will be doomed and getting back to each other becomes more difficult.
If your spouse has made amends for hurting you, learn to forgive and move on together in peace. This becomes easier for you to connect with them than you ever did before. Be committed to helping your renewed marriage work and focus on your future together.
● Ensure you are on the same page.
Marriage is a two way traffic. If you and your spouse feel connected to each other even after divorce, it’s better you work on your reconciliation. Make sure, first of all, that this is really what both of you want.
Be sure that it isn’t just because you are lonely, or distant, or romanticizing the good parts of your marriage and ignoring the bad? Consider that if it didn’t work out last time, what will make it work out this time?
At the end of the day, it is only you who is able to know the reasons why you desire to rekindle your relationship. Always be true to who you are and take the next leap into the future. Re-evaluate your expectations
Take a clear look at your expectations of marriage and whether they are realistic. See whether your motive is right about your marriage. Make very clear decision and know exactly what to expect from your partner otherwise, you will be hurt again.
Understand that no one is perfect including yourself. Once in a while mistakes will happen so better know how to handle them. If your spouse is not able to meet all your expectations, leave a room for adjustment.
● Attend family events together
Understand this event is not about you or your spouse’s marriage. It is for an external circumstance which you cannot avoid dealing with. Try to approach it in the most knowledgeable way ever.
Comfort one another in times of hardship and carry each other’s burdens as serious as you would do to yours. Attending a family event together would prove your love for each other to your people and it would change their mind set on what they think of your spouse.
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When you need legal help with a divorce in Utah, please call Ascent Law LLC at (801) 676-5506. We want to help you.
8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C
West Jordan, Utah
84088 United States
Telephone: (801) 676-5506
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