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How Do I Recover From Divorce?

How Do I Recover From Divorce

It’s hard to recover from a divorce. Everyone who goes through one feels broken and lost during the first few months, or even after years of trying put their life back on track. We all hope for a long and lasting relationship with the person we love. No one ever goes into a relationship and just expects it to fail. Although we all know that there is always that possibility, nothing would ever prepare you for the pain that divorce can cause you and your family. But life has to go on, and you cannot allow your divorce to ruin all the good things that you still can do with your life. Here are some steps to consider.

Do not hesitate to ask for help
Do not bottle up all your feelings and pretend that you are okay, if you are not deep inside. The people around you may not understand completely what you are going through, but it would help you a lot if you had someone around to support you through this difficult time. Surround yourself with family and friends who love you and would be willing to help you get back on your feet.
To help you forget the painful memories of your broken marriage, you should learn to let go of some things that will remind you of them. Dispose of all these as you also start to clear your mind of negative thoughts.
Keep Yourself Busy
It will take some time to recover from the emotional trauma caused by a divorce. Going through every day as you did before may not be ideal because you will just be reminded of the times you were still with your spouse. To prevent yourself from dwelling on those painful memories, keep yourself busy. Some people distract themselves by putting most of their time and effort on work. Others do it by taking on new activities and hobbies where they can meet new people and experience new things. Do whatever it takes to get your mind off your problems.
Find Yourself Again
If you have been married for a long time, it may take some time to adjust to being single again. Instead of dwelling on regret about the things you gave up or the things you were not able to do during your failed marriage, take this opportunity to find yourself again and do the things you really wanted for yourself. Go for that one thing you are most passionate about.
Take The Time To Travel
A change of environment can help you with the healing process, so if you have a chance to travel, whether as a vacation or on a long-term basis, do it! If you are given the opportunity to move to a new city or country, this would be the best time to do it. It will give you a chance to start anew.
Give It Time
They say that time heals all pain. Although some people claim that the heartache never really goes away. You just learn to deal with it through time. Either way, take it one day at a time and hopefully someday you will realize that you are ready to move on.
Find Your Focus
Instead of dwelling on anger and hate, try to focus your attention to the things that should matter to you at the moment. If you have kids, make them your inspiration to work hard and give them what they need. If you do not have kids, then maybe it’s time you focused on a goal that you have always wanted to achieve that you never got the chance to pursue.
Try To Forgive

Holding onto a grudge will not help you at all. It is normal to feel all the negative feelings that come after getting a divorce, but you have to try to forgive yourself first. Do not blame yourself for your failed marriage. There are many reasons why things happened the way they did, but holding onto regret will only pull you down.
Have These Documents Ready as Your Attorney Preps for Your Divorce
Before the divorce process begins, your attorney will need information about your marriage and the official documentation attached to it. These will include income tax returns and proof of other forms of income related to any marital debt, assets, property valuations, and so forth. Attorneys want documents because dry ink doesn’t lie. Your spouse can say to a mediator or in divorce court, “I paid for the mortgage out of separate monies, not marital funds,” in an attempt to retain the total interest in the marital home, but documents can prove whether or not he is being truthful. So, you need to provide your attorney with any documents that tell the story of what has happened in your marriage financially and in any other way. When you are readying your documents, you can provide paper copies or digital copies to your attorney; be sure to keep copies for yourself. It’s important that you provide a complete and very organized file with all documents to your attorney which will help make the negotiation stage of the divorce run more smoothly. Plus if you go to court, the more organized and complete your document file is, the more supporting evidence you will have for your case.
Documents Related to Income
• Your paycheck stubs from all sources of employment over the last year. If you are self-employed, provide income tax returns and any tax forms or business forms related to self-reported income. This should include documentation from any business you or your spouse held an interest in over the past three years.
• Your spouse’s paycheck stubs for the same period of time. Those check stubs will often show year-to-date earnings and deductions.
• Documentation regarding business expenses if either you or your spouse is self-employed. These may include check registers, bank statements, canceled checks, payment receipts, financial statements, and profit and loss statements.
• At a minimum, copies of your joint or individual tax returns, both state and federal, for the past three years.
• If you or your spouse work for cash, copies of check ledgers that will show any expenses paid during the marriage.
• A copy of any financial statements or statements of net worth prepared by you or your spouse for the purpose of securing bank loans or for any other purpose.
• Any other information that will establish your net worth, your spouse’s net worth, your joint net worth, your income, and your spouse’s income.
Documents Related to Real Estate
• Any documents showing the legal description of any real estate owned together or separately. These can be obtained from your mortgage company or bank.
• Your current mortgage statements on any mortgages you have on real estate property.
• All documents pertaining to the initial purchase of the real estate
• If the real estate has been refinanced, all documents pertaining to the refinance.
• Tax assessor’s statement(s) pertaining to any and all real estate.
Documents Related to Joint Financial Accounts
• Savings passbooks and savings certificates of individual or joint accounts held individually or jointly by you and your spouse.
• Any and all bank statements for the past two years from any account in your name or held jointly with your spouse.
• Statements from investment accounts you two hold jointly and separately.

Documents Related to Life Insurance
• Statements regarding life insurance policies on your life, your spouse’s life, or on your children, whether it is an individual policy or a policy through your employer. This includes any documents indicating a cash balance or loans against the policies.
Documents Related to Marital Debts
• An itemized list of any outstanding, unsecured debts including credit cards, medical bills, and any other loans, in your name or your spouse’s name.
Documents Related to Pension Funds
• A copy of recent statements for pension funds, retirement funds, 401(k) plans, mutual funds, or IRAs.
Documents Related to Automobiles Owned
• Title or registration to all vehicles owned by you or your spouse individually or jointly, including but not limited to: automobiles, boats, ATVs, snowmobiles, farm equipment, or other vehicles.
• Any documents demonstrating the current outstanding secured debt on the vehicles, including payment coupons, amortization schedules, or monthly invoices.
Consider Mediation
If only one or two issues are standing between you and your spouse attempting a DIY divorce – say, for example, visitation rights don’t give up. You and your spouse may achieve consensus and resolution through the use of a divorce mediator, a professional who can bring closure to many controversial divorce issues. Similarly, if emotional issues are creating a wedge, a counselor may be able to facilitate an end to the gridlock.
Mediated Divorces Save Money
Divorce mediation is a great way to handle a divorce if you and your spouse can’t quite agree on all the important terms. See our section on Divorce Mediation to find out how it works and whether it’s a good option for you.
Don’t Overlook Tax Issues
There are serious and long-term tax considerations for some divorces. Before signing off on a DIY divorce filing, you may want to consider consulting an accountant, financial advisor or tax preparer who can alert you to the potential tax issues post-divorce. And don’t forget, where the IRS offers free information about all the tax issues related to divorce.
Avoid DIY if There is Anger or Deception
You are not a good candidate for DIY divorce your spouse is a cauldron of unresolved anger, such that the spouse is a danger to you or your children, then a DIY divorce is not appropriate. It’s also not appropriate if you have a reasonable belief that your spouse is hiding money or transferring joint assets out of your control.
Start With Your County Clerk
Although counties differ, most county clerk’s offices provide you with some of the basic information required when filing your own divorce. (Sometimes this is available at your county clerk website so check there first.) The clerk cannot give legal advice and may refer you to a county law library if one is available.

In some places, there are businesses that prepare the paperwork for uncontested divorces. These folks may be called paralegals but are commonly referred to as legal document preparers, or LDPs. Legal document preparers aren’t allowed to give you individualized legal advice. (Only licensed lawyers can do that.) However, they can prepare forms, using the information you supply, and file them with the court. So when you visit a document preparation business, you’ll get a questionnaire that asks you for the information the preparer needs to fill out court forms for your county. The LDP will transfer the information onto the forms, and then either you or the LDP can file them with the court. The fee for doing the paperwork for an uncontested divorce varies from about $175 to $700, depending on where you live, whether you have children, and whether you need a separate settlement agreement (which depends on how your state’s forms are structured). Because the quality and reliability of such services can vary greatly, do a little checking before settling on one. Find out how much experience the LDP has, check online reviews, see if your state has any restrictions on LDP work, and if possible, get a reference.
Web-Based Divorce Services
Some document preparation services interact with customers only through the Internet, which may be a boon to you if no walk-in service is available close to where you live. You’ll answer questions on the website, and the forms will emerge from your computer or be mailed to you a few days later. You’ll need to file the forms with the court yourself. In some cases, the web-based service will arrange for the filing. The cost is usually a few hundred dollars (typically between $200 and $500) and differences in price often relate to the speed with which the documents are prepared. Again, a little research about the service can help particularly any online reviews. Some sites display a seal for the Better Business Bureau online. Not having the seal doesn’t mean that the product isn’t good, but use your judgment and spend some time looking around for what will work best for you. And while getting your documents immediately may seem appealing, check to be sure they’re being reviewed before you get them.
Lawyers Have Their Advantages
There’s a reason why lawyers charge high fees. They’re often aware of long-term concerns that you may not consider, for example, whether a court will “impute” future income to a spouse who has bright financial future. Lawyers also offer a shield all correspondence and contact can be directed through the lawyer’s office if things get ugly. And lawyers may have a better bead on child custody issues and what the court considers as a parenting plan that has the child’s best interests. If you’re not sure that a Do-It-Yourself divorce is the right choice, talk to some divorce attorneys first. Initial consultations are often free, and offer you a chance to explain the circumstances of your case to a professional. You may be able to get some good information quickly to help decide if you need the guidance and protection of a lawyer on your side.

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It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. Legal problems come to everyone. Whether it’s your son who gets in a car wreck, your uncle who loses his job and needs to file for bankruptcy, your sister’s brother who’s getting divorced, or a grandparent that passes away without a will -all of us have legal issues and questions that arise. So when you have a law question, call Ascent Law for your free consultation (801) 676-5506. We want to help you!

Michael R. Anderson, JD

Ascent Law LLC
8833 S. Redwood Road, Suite C
West Jordan, Utah
84088 United States
Telephone: (801) 676-5506
Ascent Law LLC
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